so ya girl is constantly obsessing over music so i felt it right that my little space on here reflect some of my current favorites.
so around last July-ish, i discovered Nonchalant Savant’s Mixed Signals and i am soooo in love with everything about this song. first off, issa vibe. second, i feel like this song exudes the effortless cool i can only hope to be. and the video, is just awesome and makes me want to be posted somewhere with the homies listening to music and looking like we don’t have responsiblities.
anyway the song was officially released on all music platforms a couple days ago (you know i love a song if actually waited for the finished version). listen and receive life in abundance.
i know it’s been a long ass time while. to be completely honest, I have been going through a bit of a funk that refuses to let up. i also doubt my writing a lot. i have been trying to be more vulnerable and open about my current struggles in adulting so here we go…
it’s been a lot.
i’m coming up on 2 years post graduation and i’m no where near where i envisioned myself. i remember senior year and being so ready to graduate and the fancy job and security i imagined for myself. mind you i had a very vague idea of what i wanted to do but nonetheless the plan was to hit the ground running and don’t stop until i reach all these goals. reality didn’t agree and to be honest looking back, i am grateful about that (some of it). i honestly can say that i had no idea what career i would like until a year ago. so while the freelancing is very annoying especially for someone like me who needs to have some sort of security ALWAYS, i am grateful about my experiences so far. am i beyond frustrated with not knowing what comes next? the answer is a quick yes.
the hardest part about not being where you envisioned for yourself is when family members start to ask questions. while it is always well-intentioned, nobody can make you feel shittier (especially when you’re already down) about a very shitty situation like family. there’s the questioning, the reoccurring ‘suggestion’ that maybe you’re doing something wrong and my personal favorite, the shady comments. everyday i struggle with remaining positive (you can only be so positive when you get rejection letters from a job posting you filled out months ago) and putting out good energy and its all so exhausting.
anyway this past weekend, I went away to the Poconos for one of my really good friend’s birthday. a lot of chilling, laughter and much needed space from everything. although my allergies made a quick appearance towards the end of the trip, I desperately needed the change in scenery. i left the weekend feeling energized and slightly optimistic about all the changes, good and not so good, that comes my way.
With all that’s going on in the world at large and all the changes and uncertainties in my personal life, staying present and sane is a lot easier said than done.
I have been struggling a lot with uncertainties mainly with my professional future. It’s important to note that ya girl hates hates HATES not having an idea what comes next. I’m the kind of person who likes needs to know what to expect in order to properly prepare ESPECIALLY when it comes to work. Well apparently you can’t really control everything so i have finally mastered the art of accepting that.
So here I am, back to square one in a sense but more focused than ever on where i actually want to go professionally (than i have ever been). I laid out my plan (it’s pretty nice might i add) and currently putting in the working and praying that all the dots connect soon enough.
It’s the having faith part that’s hard. I’m constantly putting out good thoughts and praying that everything that is meant for me will happen but there’s always that little hint of doubt that wants to always prepare for the worst just in case.
Still working on it and praying good things into my future.